Video games. Knitting. Recovering from depression. Sci-Fi. Random Things.
Life status update: currently cautiously optimistic. I’ll find out something next week.
In the meantime, applications, school work, normal work, and Diablo 3.
A week later and nothing to show for it. I’ve started applying for jobs. My company still hasn’t made a decision over whether or not I get to stay. I’m still straddling that line between ok and not ok. I have enough to do to be a bit stressed but not enough to warrant it. I did at least slam some work out last week and am that much closer to a meaningless online certificate in data science, but the sense of accomplishment doesn’t stick when I look at jobs that ask for seven years of on job experience.
I’m hoping tomorrow that I can apply for some more jobs, log into Diablo, and just tell emotions to fuck off for a little bit.
I’ve been feeling heavy lately. Not depressed, not sad, not anxious. Just heavy. Like it’s hard to carry myself.
Part of it is just what I have on my plate. Two projects this week. A wedding this weekend for a person I barely know (bf’s family). The GRE in a couple weeks, even though I took it six years ago.
Then things not happening, like this full time position. It’s a long story, but the short version is that everyone I work with wants me to stay there, but the higher ups (well, really, just one of them, but the biggest one) either is just not paying attention or doesn’t care that this isn’t something I can wait on. I’m paying for my own insurance, I’m only making $20 an hour for skills that should demand much more. It’s been exhilarating, moving out of the slump my life was in, but now I’m in this new mini slump where I’m where I’d like to stay but no one will just tell me that I can. That I’ll be ok.
Let’s not even get started on video games. Most MMOs are leaving me feeling horribly lonely, so I’ve been avoiding them. That and I’m just having trouble connecting. Besides Diablo, no games actually keep me entertained and I understand what that means, because it’s not like Diablo is really that amazing of a game. All I can stick with is doing the same thing over and over again without having to rely on other people.
Then there’s my new bird. She’s a joy. She’s a brat. She’s something I’m letting distract me as much as I can, because I can see the difference it makes in her life and her happiness when she has us engaging with her.
So yeah. I get home from work where I have no security, play with my bird for most of the night, then just kind of go to bed. If I haven’t recently known how I feel when I’m depressed, I would be really worried, but it’s just heavy.
Anonymous said: Because reevaluating one's life is the perfect cure for anxiety problems, amirite?
As someone who finally has her anxiety is pretty good check: it’s the only cure.
Sure, I’ve got my fancy medication (SSRI). It helped the most at first and does keep me from letting the highs go too high or the lows go too low. It, however, didn’t fix things on its own. It wasn’t until I stopped and took the time to figure out the sources of my anxiety and, yeah, reevaluate my life that I finally ended up in a healthy space.
Good luck to the person who is feeling this way.
Two kinds of people:
People who took the news of feathered dinosaurs like this:
And those who took it like this:
SCIENCE MADE DINOSAURS PERFECT I WILL FIGHT YOU
~Mad Scientist perfecting dinosaurs
THE SECOND ONE.